Welshboy

Welshboy lived an hour away from me but was still keen to come to Bristol where I was living to meet up one weekend. We had met on match back in the day when I was still on there and had been messaging each other for about a week.  On the morning of the day we were due to met, we were making arrangements for the evening by text. He wanted to go for a drink somewhere in the centre so we decided on a place and a time.

‘Ok 7 sounds good, what time shall I come to yours?’he texts.

‘Come to mine? We’re meeting in the centre aren’t we?’ I reply.

‘But I’ll need to come to yours first so what time is good for that?’

‘????!!!!!’ I think.

‘Why will you need to come to mine first?’ I ask.

‘Well to drop my stuff off of course. ‘

‘What do you mean drop your stuff off? What stuff do you need to drop off?’ I write,  feeling increasingly alarmed.

‘My bag with all my overnight things in. ‘

His overnight things?! What?! It sounds like he will be staying overnight in Bristol and as he wants to drop it at my house, I hope he isn’t planning for it to be there!

‘I need to drop my stuff at your house where I will be staying the night before we go out, I won’t be able to take it out with me! ‘ he says, as if I am being really slow and lacking in common sense and not grasping some obvious logic.

‘You’re not staying at my house! I haven’t even met you yet, I can’t let a man I haven’t even met stay at my house overnight!’

Welshboy seems a bit put out by this and acts like I am being a very ungracious host and tries to persuade me otherwise.

What planet is he on?! Does he really think I would agree for a stranger off the internet to stay the night at my house when I haven’t even met him?! And to meet him for the first time at my house so he can drop his stuff off?! Does he do this often?! Does he think this is normal?!

Eventually he agrees to stay in a hotel which unfortunately is just up the road from my house. I didn’t think this through well enough, did I.

We meet for a drink at the pub in his hotel and then head into the centre of Bristol. He proceeds to get absolutely hammered while I get a bit tipsy too. I have had a very stressful time of late and fancy letting my hair down a bit. Normally I am quite a sensible and cautious person, but this goes out the window on occasion. This is one of those occasions.

Whilst we lurch from one pub to another, Welshboy suddenly launches himself at me and sticks his tongue down my throat. I am a bit surprised as none of this is adhering to normal first date procedure and I let him kiss me for a few seconds before trying to stop him to continue walking to the next pub, with him hanging onto my arm like a toddler and lunging at my lips every few steps whilst I try to bat him off.  I don’t know whether you’ve ever tried this, but it is a little bit tricky to walk whilst a drunken man keeps diving for your mouth every few seconds.

Obviously, I agreed to let him come back to mine for a drink at the end of the evening, as any sensible, rational person would do in my position. His hotel was just round the corner, and he reassured me that he would only come for one drink and then leave.

I have no idea what I was thinking either (I was tipsy mind, so I obviously wasn’t), it was quite likely I would end up with ‘a situation’ as he was very pissed. I did get the sense that he was harmless though and I wouldn’t be placing myself in any danger. Plus I was letting my hair down and still hadn’t made my mind up what I thought about him. A bit of sex wouldn’t go amiss but I couldn’t decide whether I wanted it with him or not. No I don’t usually have sex on the first date but this wasn’t like a normal first date.

We go back to mine and have another drink and he kisses me again and then I decide that no I don’t want to sleep with him because I don’t fancy him, I am tired and I want to go to bed.

Now how to get rid of him?

I tell him, I’m very very tried and need to go to bed immediately. On my own.

‘Oh please, darling, let me stay’ he moans as he tries to keep kissing me, his hands heading under my clothes. I smack his hands away whilst thinking ‘don’t call me darling’ and stand up to make it clear that it is time for him to leave so I can go to bed.

Welshboy tries several other lines, trying to persuade me to let him stay for just a bit longer whilst I inch towards the doorway, pulling him with me.

I manage to push him into the hallway, whilst he stumbles about still intermittently pouncing at my lips.

‘But I love you.’ he says, his face painted with desire and longing.

‘No you don’t. Come on, you need to go NOW, I want to go to bed NOW.’ I start to become angry and impatient as I have, by this point, said this hundreds of times.

‘You’re so sexy when you get angry. I do love you,’ he slurs, whilst trying to cuddle me.

I shove him to the door, open it and say ‘was nice meeting you,’ whilst manhandling him over the doorstep. ‘Bye’ I say gaily, shutting the door in his face.

Luckily, he leaves and goes back to his hotel- I was having visions of him pounding on the door wailing to let him back in because he loves me and waking all the neighbours up. I trundle relieved up the stairs and to bed.

He texts me in the morning, wanting to meet up for breakfast.

I make excuses and after a few more texts from him which I eventually stop replying to, Welshboy disappears into the nether.

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