Selection of Profiles

In case any of you are wondering what sort of delightful men are available on these online dating sites and what their (take note online dating men and women, this is an example of when you use their not they’re and oh look, there is an example of women, plural) profiles are like, here is a selection of some of them that messaged me…

Joe, aged 32:

If you are looking for a serious relationship with commitment, I am not your guy.

– I am looking for lik-eminden ladies, who are looking for excitement and want to step away from the everyday boring routine.

I can offer passion, sensuality, I can make you laugh and enjoy the time with me, all I expect in exchange is discretion at a high level.

I prefer mature ladies, sorry, I do not wish to complicate my life with a young-minded girl, anyone above 25 can apply within. This remark may seem sexist, but this is my preference, no offence to any young lady. Thank you for understanding.

Hang on a minute. Are you saying that anyone above the age of 25 is a mature lady? At 25 you’re a young-minded girl and then 26- bam! You suddenly wake up a mature lady like a butterfly emerging from a cacoon. And sexist? Or do you mean ageist?  I’m intrigued as to why ‘discretion at a high level’ is required. Is he cheating on his partner? Has he got some high powered job where it’s vital that you are discret?

Unfortunaely, I (and you) will never know because I didn’t reply to him-I thought he sounded arrogant and this was back in the day before I started playing with the whole online dating scene and the men on it.

Philip, aged 40:

I am a self employed dog trainer and search & rescue dogs handler. I’m 6ft 1 loving caving, hihking, scuba diving and eating cake whilst drinking coffee, I’m cultured and curious about all cultures.

I’m in a open relationship with a bi-girlfriend, I don’t sleep around, I’m looking for an open minded, sapiosexual, flirty as well as independent and confident girl. 

I’m also trying to gain weight at the moment so eat a lot and often.

Hmmmm. Threesome anybody?

Or perhaps this one?

Andy, aged 28:

Sports fitness out door stuff, cycling mountain biking films music, generally just doing active things going to new places trying new things, i like sexy pretty woman who are funny and like to have a good time, also that are clever and look after them self’s, and like to travel and I love the sun and the sea, up to try new things to so open to suggestionsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Can’t be that clever a woman you’re looking for if you can’t even use punctuation properly. Or grammer. And it’s too not to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or perhaps this might tickle your fancy?

Pete, 30 :

I’m a casino manager which has made it hard to meet new people so that’s why I am here I’m looking to meet someone and spend time getting to know them and seeing where it goes I enjoy snowboarding gaming and playing football I also like meeting new people On our first date we could meet somewhere and get to know each other and then see where it goes So don’t be shy and come and say Hi

Pete meet the full stop. Full stop meet Pete. This is how it works. You divide your sentences up with a full stop. It’s nice and easy to use. Even my 5 year old daughter knows how to use full stops.